From my own personal experience,
how to tell if he is about to
become physically abusive.....
ask yourself the following
Has he started, or has he ever,
pounded on the furniture, kicking it or pounding it with his fist, most times
when you're on it? Does he kick the bed, doors, pound walls? Does he
pound/kick his vehicle?
Have you ever seen him pound his
fist into the palm of his other hand? Does he talk to himself when he's doing
this like the palm of his hand could be your face?
Have you heard him talking to
himself behind doors i.e. He goes into the bathroom and you hear his voice
& you hear him pounding his fist into his palm so hard that it's audible
through the door; you wake up in the middle of the night and he's pacing the
living room floor talking to himself, pounding his fist into his palm as he
paces in circles?
When he's angry does he pace, and
when pacing do his hands repeatedly clench in & out?
Also, when he's angry and he's
yelling at you, does he drool?
Does he destroy inanimate objects
that he knows are sentimental to you, saying "it was an accident."
If you answered yes to any of
these then prepare yourself.
It's been eight years since my
ordeal and to date I receive e-mails from women of all ages, e-mails with
questions of a more personal nature. I welcome all correspondence---"wisdomforwomen at rogers dot com"---My latest e-mails are coming from a woman
who isn't quite sure if her partner is abusive or if it's just his character
to be explosive and violent. It is these latest e-mails that inspired me to
post the above set of questions. These questions are based on the exact
behaviour of my ex-husband, the things that he did prior to turning to being
physically violent toward me.
THE INTENSITY OF THE SITUATION IS INSTILLING FEAR IN YOU:
DO NOT LET HIM CORNER
STAY CLOSE TO THE DOOR;
KEEP TO THE SIDE OF THE ROOM WHERE THERE IS AN EXIT SO THAT IF YOU HAVE TO RUN
TRY TO KEEP AN OBJECT
BETWEEN YOU AND HIM SO THAT THERE IS SOMETHING OBSTRUCTING HIS PATH SHOULD HE
LUNGE AT YOU.
IF YOU OWN A CELL PHONE
CARRY IT ON YOU AT ALL TIMES; HAVE 911 PROGRAMMED INTO YOUR SPEED DIAL SO THAT
YOU CAN DIAL 911 IMMEDIATELY WHEN YOU FEEL YOU ARE IN DANGER. SATELLITE
SIGNALS CAN BE TRACED AS LONG AS YOU LEAVE THE LINE OPEN.
EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO
THROW THE PHONE AWAY FROM YOU AND HIM, IF HE TRIES TO TAKE IT FROM YOU, THE
LINE WILL BE OPEN.
HAVE YOUR FRIENDS
NUMBERS ON SPEED DIAL ALSO AND ALWAYS, ALWAYS INFORM YOUR FRIENDS OF THE
BEHAVIOUR OF YOUR PARTNER. THE MORE PEOPLE WHO ARE AWARE THAT THERE IS A
SITUATION THE FASTER THE RESPONSE.
LASTLY BUT NOT LEASTLY
GET OUT, GET OUT AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND DO NOT STOP RUNNING UNTIL YOU ARE IN A
SAFE PLACE. PRE-ARRANGE WITH NEIGHBOURS/FAMILY/FRIENDS WHO LIVE CLOSE BY THAT
YOU CAN GO TO THEM BUT DO NOT BE AFRAID TO RUN INTO A NEIGHBOUR'S HOME EVEN IF
THEY ARE NOT AWARE.
PRE-ARRANGE A SAFE HOUSE
WITH A NEIGHBOUR/FAMILY/FRIEND SHOULD YOU NEED SOMEWHERE TO HIDE.
FROM THE MOMENT YOU
BEGIN TO QUESTION HIS BEHAVIOUR I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH---DOCUMENT,
DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT AND GIVE COPIES TO SOMEONE WHOM YOU TRUST. IF YOU HAVE
TO LEAVE YOUR HOME AT THE DROP OF A DIME YOU KNOW YOUR
DOCUMENTATION (COPIES) LAY IN A SAFE SPOT EASILY ACCESSED.